Because it's the New Year, I have been pondering my Christianity and evaluating my walk with God as well as how I am doing in my role as a wife and mom. My mom got me a Barnes & Noble gift card for Christmas so I used it to buy a new bible. It is the ESV One Year Bible . My goal is to read the bible every day and journal at least 3x a week. My journal for Jan 5th, 2009 begins with this statement..."I feel dull". My passion for God and His Word seems faded & God feels distant from me. I crave a close relationship with my Savior.I want to be excited about reading the Bible, passionate about telling others including my children about the wonderful ways of God, and anticipating answered prayers. This is what it's like to be a Christian I guess. Sometimes I am on fire for God, hearing from Him in the bible and through others, joyful, hopeful, obeying His Word, patient, kind, selfless. And sometimes I am selfish, filled with sinful pride, self-righteous, angry, jealous. You see, becoming a Christian doesn't make all trouble and sin instantly go away. It means you've entered into a battle. The battle is between my spirit which is one with Christ, which desires to please God & Love God & Obey his Word, and my sinful nature which desires to please only myself. But one thing is certainly true...not one day has gone by since I made a commitment to my Savior, that I haven't thought about my God and felt Him call me to himself. Though at times I may feel dull, the truth is, He is there, calling me back, like little whispers..."come pray", "open my Word", "trust in me". And every day my desire to know God is always there. My desire to Love Him more is always there. How can I not love my creator, who has loved me since the beginning of time!! So I'll end with a few verses in Psalm 63...it is one of the songs in our van CD player that the kids love to sing...
"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you."
4 comments:
You talk about seeing God in your life and being on fire for him. I would have to say that at times when you feel dull, focus on how he hasn't changed. He is still the same great God that was there for you when you committed your life to him, as he is when you feel "dull". The good thing is that God Never feels dull for us. Thanks again for your transparency.
A good reminder Love...thank you!
You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned." The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."
But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. Hebrews 12:18-24
When I feel dull and distant from God sometimes it's rooted in fear, thinking that God requires something of me, something beyond my child-like faith, my trust in his intimate love for me. I used to live in the first part of this passage, and I discovered later on that I actually avoided reading the Bible because I felt so condemned and ashamed when I read it, it was not life to me. That was because I veiwed Scripture as Law, I was living with an Old Covenant mindset. But thanks be to God through Jesus Christ my Lord! There is therefore now no condemnation for me...never not ever! The Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death, now nothing can ever seperate me from the love of my God.
Blessings! I hope you enjoy Jesus more than ever in this new year with your new Bible!
Thanks for your comment Julie and for visiting my blog. I have visited yours as well. I think my dullness comes from my own seeking after the things of this world & seeking my own comfort, peace, clothes, things, TV, Computer...instead of drawing close to my Savior by pondering Him, praying, reading His Word and talking about Him with others. I am not the type of person to feel condemned or to fear my position with God. I am very aware of my Father's Love...He is so good to display it to me in many ways. He gives me a vision of Himself, opening His arms and hands to me and written on His hand is My name, written in golden red blood. Oh how I am encouraged by these things. I don't look at my bible reading plan as the law...it is the way I can hear my Father's voice...I am desperate to hear it. I also have to share that I belonged to a church that never spoke once about indwelling sin & practical care for being a Christian...I was very passionate as a new believer but the self-righteousness that was also in me pushed many people away...including my family...I was on fire in my words but my life was far from displaying the gospels truth. 7 years ago we found a new church and have since found grace. My passion and gratefulness for my Savior is greater now that I can truly see what I have been saved from!!! (and my relationship with family is being restored)Thanks again for visiting and may the Lord bless you for your passion & love for Him and for His people.
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